When the Student is Ready
by James Callner, MA, AFOCD President. James Callner is an award winning writer, filmmaker and speaker on mental illness. Excerpt from James Callner’s up coming book on OCD: “It’s a Matter of Trust – Spiritual Prescriptions for OCD”. (Note: Use of the word...LIKE our FB Page
How to Cope with Unwanted Thoughts – Be the Adult in the Room
How do we cope with unwanted thoughts? This is a question I am often asked. I only write from my own experience and try to encourage hope in all I share, so I will do my best to answer this question for you because it’s an important one.
I had this student in one of my Film/TV Acting classes who was challenging me in every way. This kid was a big bundle of ego, but I was used to that kind of 19-year-old student, having been in the teaching business so long. Once he tried to confront me in my office, he said, "I don't have to rehearse because I don't need to, and I don't need your direction!" I was a 56-year-old veteran teacher with over 30 years of teaching and directing experience, and a teenage student trying to bully me. I smiled to myself as he spoke. I was the adult in the room. When he was finished, I asked him in a calm voice, “Do you know how old I am? How long I have been teaching?" I looked at him directly but calmly and continued, "I'm just too old and tired to deal with this kind of stuff. I’m sure you understand, right?" It stumped him. Again, I was the adult in the room, in control of my emotions and mind. He went back to class and calmed down.
I see coping with unwanted thoughts as essentially the same thing. When the OCD bully creeps in, I remind myself who the adult is and who’s the bully. Am I going to give that bully power or not? Am I going to respond to that thought and give it what it wants, or just let it be, and allow it to burn itself out like that student in my office? I think the practice of coping with thoughts that feel so real is not to try to unthink them, but rather to dis-empower them by bringing out your adult self. Not easy for beginners, but better than blindly reacting to a bully and remaining under their power. Calmly practice being the adult in the room when those unwanted thoughts challenge you. Challenge the bully ignoring and holding firm, no matter what age you are. Be the adult in the room. JC <3
2 days ago
The Opposite of Fear is Trust
What do we trust? Not who, but what? In my experience, I have come to trust that the sun will rise and set even if it’s too cloudy and we can’t see it. I trust that I don't have to think about almost all the functions in my body, as they just work on their own. Lungs, heart, kidneys and liver have worked fine on their own since my birth, so I continue to trust, and do my best to take care of myself.
Though the anxiety of OCD is horrible, can I trust—like I trust in the sun—that the anxiety will calm down on its own, even if I do nothing? The anxiety always calms down eventually, but that's a hard idea to trust. Why don’t more of us, including myself, trust that we will be okay? I believe it’s about rebuilding the trust that OCD robbed us of. If we consistently do a minimal amount of recovery work daily, we will reclaim that trust and be more than okay.
How do you start reclaiming your trust today? Take a tiny baby step towards what you fear daily. After all these years of struggling with fears, I have come firmly to this conclusion. The opposite of fear is trust. OCD is about fear, and trust is about peace. OCD doesn't hold up in the presence of real trust. My goal is to fight life less, and trust life more. It's a minute-by-minute choice to trust, but it can create a lifetime of grace and calm. JC <3
4 days ago
