New Book by James Callner
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Would You Rather?
Would you rather be loved or understood? In this context, I’m defining love as acceptance. I know love and understanding can go hand in hand, and many would say being understood is being loved, but I believe if you have OCD or any mental illness this question becomes vital to our trust in anyone. Whether it be significant others, family, friends, coworkers, doctors, or therapists, personally, I want to be understood because I know deep down that understanding has the potential to lead to real love. Understanding me as a person with OCD is paramount in creating a lasting friendship and relationship based in trust. In turn, I want to understand those that I relate with if they are willing to let me into their lives. Willingness is a big requirement for me. If they are not willing to understand, I’ll shift my expectations and develop a different type of relationship. And that’s OK. Many people just don’t have the capacity to understand, and there’s no judgment or shame in that.
At the writing of this post I’m in my mid sixties having managed OCD for over 36 years, and I’ve heard the stories of hundreds if not thousands of people in my life. In my opinion and experience, the big picture of humanity is that everyone has something they are dealing with mentally, from OCD to depression to anxiety to stress to worry. The list is endless. So, back to the question: Would you rather be loved or understood?
I say that trying to understand in a loving way is the answer to feeling better about yourself and feeling connected to others. And, let us all not forget to also love and understand ourselves. JC <3 P.S. Kite flying on the beach. ... See MoreSee Less
3 weeks ago
Beautiful picture!! Really good question though isnt it - those of us who are people pleasers would like to be loved and understood and be 'perfect' in the mix
OCD Mantras vs. Recovery Mantras
(Definition of Mantra/ man·tra mantrə / noun
a statement or slogan repeated frequently.)
OCD has the mantra of, “One more time.”
Recovery as the mantra of, “I'll take the risk to stop.”
OCD has the mantra of, “What if?”
Recovery has the mantra of, “I don't know, so I'm going to stay in this moment.”
OCD has the mantra of, “You're not going to be okay.”
Recovery has the mantra of, “I can handle whatever comes my way.”
OCD has the mantra of, “If you don't think this thought or do this thing, disaster is on its way.”
Recovery has the mantra of, “I’ll handle what life brings me because I’m stronger than I think.”
OCD has the mantra of, “You have to.”
Recovery has the mantra of, “Bullies don't tell me what to do.”
OCD has the mantra of, “You're never going to get better.”
Recovery has a mantra of, “Thanks for sharing, but I'm not buying that.” JC <3 ... See MoreSee Less
3 weeks ago
really love that " one more time "
OCD Coaching Videos are not designed to replace professional OCD Therapy. They are intended to help in the education and coaching for those suffering with OCD. James Callner is an OCD Educator and Coach, teaching from over 35 years of his own recovery experience. The Coaching Videos, Blog Posts and other information on this website are not a replacement for a professional therapist. Mr. Callner contributes his videos to the OCD Treatment Centre in Taunton England. OCD Treatment Centre therapists approve all OCD Coaching Videos. .